The Year of Failure

So today is the first day of the year 2016. Another year another idea, continuing ideas, work and so on. But before we proceed to that we all recount what happened the past year, the good the bad, and lets not forget reminding us of our new years resolution, and creating new ones. Well here is my recount in one word FAILURE, or at least that is what I called it before I learned failure doesn’t exist.

This was the year with most failure. This year started off with me living alone, now my second semester away from home, 4th semester in college. I had started off my first semester away from home very differently compared to my second. I had rejected my scholarship from the Army, I was officially in debt, my sister has 3 diagnosis instead of one, my grades had fallen,  I was more homesick than ever, I had stopped going to church and though I had my internship with neurosurgery, life was seeming so hard. Everything I did seemed so hard. I recall waking up in the mornings and thinking…how the hell am I going to survive today? I tried keeping my eye on the goal, doctor, neurosurgeon, one day, I just have to hang on. I think what hurt the most or what felt like failure the most was that my grades went down. I got Cs. I had NEVER gotten a C in my life, so that was like a slap in the face. And it wasn’t that I was going out, partying or drinking, on the contrary I hated that and still do. I studied up to 10 to 15 hours for Ochem and yet still got a C. I left the Army. Now that did not seem like such a failure at that moment because I chose to leave but still in the back of my head I thought what if I had not left. But that day when I was going to sign my contract, try on y uniform get my badge I couldn’t…I stopped and had 3 days to think if I really wanted to do this. I didn’t. I was not prepared to not be able to make my own choices, have to leave to Germany or training whenever they needed. I wasn’t ready to leave my family like this. So I didn’t sign it…I left…after almost a year if not more, of prepping, interviews, PT training for this scholarship. One by one I felt like everything I did was falling. I couldn’t get a job. I had easy 10 interviews and NEVER got a job during that time or last year at my university. This definitely didn’t. Just like everyone else in a time like this I asked myself, WHY? Why if I am trying my damn best, why am I failing?

Time later, towards the end of now known as last year, when I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel it hit me. I didn’t fail, I was learning. Failure these days is used to loosely. One does not fail by trying, one learns and grows. Throughout that whole year I was so fixated on the word “failing” that I forgot to learn, and that is when one starts failing, when we forget to learn and grow. I did not fail when I got a C, I did not fail when I rejected my contract, I did not fail when I was learning to save someone’s life, I failed when I stopped learning, when I thought I had failed but in reality I had not failed just yet, I had failed when I didn’t learn. Remember one can only fail 2 ways: When one does not try and when one does the same error twice, that when you know you aren’t learning, but one never fails for trying. So do it, go try and go learn that is what makes up grow.

Now moving on to 2016. Though I started off the year with a cold, the year looks bright, it looks fresh, and several new years resolutions are on my list!

  1. Never forget to learn and try, last year I, as mentioned, forgot to learn and overthought my errors. I need to remember that through errors is how we learn
  2. BE MORE CONFIDENT.
  3. remember to balance, MIND:BODY:SPIRIT
  4. Save money for a car and for a travel destination.
  5. listen more talk less
  6. Speak with the mind but don’t forget to use my heart too
  7. Find a hobby and DO IT
  8. Blog at least 2 each month
  9. start journaling again
  10. remain humble

You all have been amazing this year, thanks everyone for the support. We all have our own story and I thank everyone who has been in mine. Happy 2016, lets make the best out of it!

Yours Truly,

Marvalous Premed 007

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