you yourself and who else?

Yesterday while taking a shower I was reminiscing of all the people I have dropped from my life, because of course when we grow up we all know the shower ends up becoming the place where we make our toughest choices and think our deepest thoughts, it is not JUST a shower anymore. lol. Some I wish to contact again, but will not, others I question what became of them and so forth. It is a funny thing because when I was a kid I thought the more friends you had the better. If you had more “friends” you had more people to hang out with, to talk too and what not. We all do, that is till we go through hell and realize people aren’t as kind, as interested or caring as them seem. We realize the treasure of trust, loyalty and companionship.

As I grew up I realized my number of friends went from two hand fulls to half of one hand. It was a sad realization, I won’t lie. Not only sad but a tough realization. It was a realization that hit me my third year of high school. I was always involved in my high school from being captain of my high school’s dance team, to captain and head goalie in soccer since my freshmen year and secretary for FBLA and dance club, everyone knew who I was one way or another. My third year of high school was the year where I was involved in it all, my first official boyfriend, and the devastating realization that everyone really disliked me but they talked to me because it was convenient. Before this realization I was a naive girl, I trusted majority of the people I met, thought people were good at heart, but afterwards I realized there is actually little people who are truly good.

It all started with a guy, of course all problem starts with men lolol. I had my first bf and my best friend seemed to be happy for me but seemed to be a bit unhappy with me at times too. I have always been a straight forward person, honest and frank. I do not sugar coat things and when you are my friend if you ask me if you look ugly in a dress I will tell you the truth, either you don’t or you look ugly lol. Well she came to me for advice on a guy, the guy was worthless, an idiot and he knew she liked him so he played around. I told her and from then on she spread every rumor on earth of me. My best friend, spread every rumor of me, that I had been with my professor, that I was a slut, that I cheated on everything, that I was a psychopath. Anything bad, you name it, she said about me. She tried kicking my off the swim team, my position from secretary in FBLA, ruin my dance performance. My advisor from FBLA did not seem to like me much either, she just seemed like she did because I did so much for the club,more than I should have so she was nice but as soon as she saw an opportunity to make me suffer a bit she took it, she humiliated me in front of everyone, revoked my scholarships, and augmented the rumor of me and my professor. With them against me, who with me? Walking to class was dreadful, going to meetings, was agonizing and practice for dance, soccer or swim, it was the true struggle.

This made me realize you can’t trust people. People are horrible, selfish and envious. I could not handle high school anymore, I would come home sometimes crying so overwhelmed from everyone’s looks, rumors and insults, so I left, my senior year I was in college full time, graduated with my Associates in Science before my high school diploma and started my internship in neurosurgery with NIH afterwards. The day of graduation for high school I was in the top ten of my class. There was only about 3 people who I talked to out of my whole graduating class. I will never forget walking in my graduation gown, people stared at me like they had seen a ghost, apparently the rumor was that I had dropped out of high school because my ex bf got me pregnant, ironically many of the girls that said that are now pregnant lol. I was congratulated by the hypocrite of my Principal in front of my whole graduating class, who I went to to report all that had happened to me with my former advisor and she said I was crazy and needed a psychologist lol and walked the line as happy as could be.

After this experience I learned the value of trust, friendship and loyalty. Not only that but also that sometimes it is best to be accompanied alone rather than with someone who is not going to help you reach your goal, help you grow and learn. I mean why do you want to be friends with the kid next door who isn’t going to motivate you to wake up at 5 am to finish a prior hwk assignment but instead is going to tell you to brush it off it is just ONE assignment. In your career you will be tempted by people to break down more than to grow because it is hard to find people that have a heart, that won’t think you are stuck up for wanting to reach your goals, for putting priorities. Don’t let them see you break show them you can and WILL. Doesn’t matter who it is, whether it be family or friends. Do not let people who have no say in your life control who you are.

At the end of my shower I realized that those people are not in my life for a reason, some because they already did what they needed to do, teach me a lesson and make me grow. There is no reason to make someone who hurt you come back in your life if you are happy as is. Along the road you will meet people who will be worth it and you will always cherish them your whole life and if it is meant to be you will meet once again.


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